Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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