I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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