My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I didn't notice because vodka
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
