he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
