so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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