the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
