I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize