I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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