She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
