If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
