it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
