You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
