maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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