Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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