HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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