i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
