mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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