im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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