My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
