I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
