Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize