i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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