A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
