Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
