Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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