thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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