How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize