I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
