u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
