So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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