ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Even my vagina gasped.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
