Moan for me like Helen Keller
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
