I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
