I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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