you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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