You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
