I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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