my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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