If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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