please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
