i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
