I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
