I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
