His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
