mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
