yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
