I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
