I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
