There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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