Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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