Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
