four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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