Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
