i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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