And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
