If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
