Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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