I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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