my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need a beard to bite.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
