your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Randomize
