Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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