He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
