I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
