So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Randomize
