You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
