who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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