I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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