Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
