Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
