Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
