JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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