Say something about gay babies.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
